Sacramento Special Report

YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST

A local podcaster recently purchased a brand new vanity patio, courtesy of businessman Pete Draught. The patio was constructed using only the finest materials, predominantly recycled acrylic nails. The patio is said to be guaranteed for use up to 13 Martian years.

Denizens of the Sacramento River rejoiced after the California Department of Fish and Wildlife increase costs for local fisherman. A department spokesperson remarked that tourism at hatcheries had been declined sharply in recent years due to the lack of fish.

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