Flea Market Infested with Ticks, Discrepancy Confuses City Hall

As dawn crested over the East Side flea market on a recent Sunday morning, crowds of shoppers were dismayed to find not only stellar deals on fresh produce and home goods, but a terrible infestation of parasitic cretin. Ticks had made their home at the marketplace overnight, eating their way into all the merchandise. 

"It was so yucky," said Jenny Brander, 19, a shopper at the flea market said. "It was gross, too." 

As the insects began scuttling throughout the marketplace, Brander's day of shopping was over, but it was just the beginning of a protracted dispute between disgruntled vendors and city officials. 

"It's just not what we were prepared for," said Bill Witherby of the city's Pest and Damage Control Bureau. "You know, considering the venue." 

Witherby said that he and his team had taken every measure necessary to ensure a clean and orderly marketplace, but added that "nobody could have predicted this."

City officials were quick to clarify that the flea market has since been cleaned out and is open for business once more. But vendors at the flea market said that their business has been suffering irregardless, largely due to a negative public reaction. 

"I tried to tell my customers that it's fine now, that they can come back out and make a few purchases," Kent Bowden said. "I mean, we're a flea market for God's sake. How did this happen?" 

Bowden, who sells various trinkets, baubles and kitsch, insisted that the only thing his customers should be concerned about now is the high prices offered by his competitors. 

New information on Monday, however, added a new twist. James Bartelby, a spokesman for the East Side Agricultural Association, claimed that vendors were blindsided by the tick attack, and were told previously that it could never happen. 

However, the East Side Agricultural Association claimed that the pesticide was not effective in preventing ticks, termites or gnats from appearing at the marketplace, and that the sprays were only effective in stopping a limited range of pests.

The city officials appeared to be somewhat confused themselves. 

"That's unusual," Witherby said. "That's strange."

The East Side flea market decided to rebrand in the wake of the tick mishap. The association released the following statement announcing the market's name change and its new image:

The market will continue to operate normally under this new name. The East Side Agricultural Association has announced a sale at the next market under the slogan 'Come and See! New Name Market Tick and Flea Free!'