14 Brutal Truths About Sacramento

Philip McKluskey

1. Sacramento is both the "Capital of the California" and "Capital of Urban Decay." This is true both figuratively and literally. The surrounding Sacramento region is one of the most developed urban areas in the western United States, and not in a good way. The central city is certainly the most urban part of the region, which has grown like crazy in the last several decades. You'll see shops and restaurants sprouting up in all directions, and the streets have become gridlocked with traffic on a regular basis. Moreover, this problem has spilled over into Sacramento's suburbs, which have experienced rapid growth in recent years as well. The result is that you will encounter a lot of urban decay along the way, and this is one of the major reasons I don't go downtown very often.

2. At some point, I'll get sick of everybody on The Walking Dead. This is a feeling that I have dealt with since the beginning of the show. I've seen characters brought in with questionable backstories, and then left with nothing going for them except the fact that they know Morgan. And that doesn't exactly thrill me either. I won't get into it here, but I am getting a little sick of The Walking Dead right now. For some reason, everyone seems to suddenly find their inner Nelson Muntz at the same time, and they are always picking on people that just want to get along and get the job done. How do people see this as a fun game to play? The problem here is that it is a game that I am sick of playing. And yet I can't seem to turn it off.

3. The Good-Bye Lunch Date

This is not the highlight of the week for most, but for me it was. I met a woman while working in the financial services industry, and we fell in love. Then, we were finally able to go out on a date. We didn't go to a really nice restaurant or anything. We went to Chili's for lunch. It was only $6.75 each. I'm not even kidding. That kind of stuff doesn't matter to me. I'm not good at date rules. But even if I am, eating lunch at Chili's has to rank way above going to a nice dinner, right? Oh, but did I mention that I ended up walking back to my office with this woman after lunch because she thought she'd never see me again? Yeah. I don't get out much.

4. The Weakly-Smoked Burger

I had an intense craving for a cheeseburger while I was in California. So, I went into a McDonald's, and had a cheeseburger. Not just any cheeseburger, either. It was one of those sesame seed-topped, thin-patty burgers that are only served in California. I had it with a special sauce and pickles. The problem is that this burger tasted like a low-grade one, because it was totally undercooked. You can't even imagine how bad it was. My mouth actually turned black from the cheese. It tasted like a burger that was cooked with white sugar. It was so bad, I had to wash it down with a couple of Dr. Peppers, and that doesn't even register on the cravings scale. Oh, and don't even get me started on the fries. They tasted like they were cooked with food dye. McDonald's has never been and will never be a place that I go to when I'm in the mood for good food.

5. The Classic Crab Cocktail

I don't know where the idea came from that it was OK to put crab in a cocktail. This is the ultimate punishment for anyone with a sweet tooth. The idea that crab is the centerpiece of a cocktail is repulsive to me. It tastes like the ocean, but somehow the ocean ended up in my mouth. I don't get this. And I don't get why it is considered a refreshing summer cocktail. It is disgusting. I should have stuck with beer.

6. The Traffic is Unforgiving

You would think after seeing the movie Fast Five that I would know better than to pull out in front of another car on the 405. Apparently, I was stupid enough to try that and I learned the hard way. The 405 is one of the worst traffic hot spots in America. It is awful on a normal day, but on a Thursday night, it is even worse. The 405 is used to traffic jams on a daily basis, but during rush hour, it becomes a parking lot. There is no doubt that I will be stuck in traffic tomorrow, because of my bad decision tonight. My point is this, just because you have a two-way radio doesn't mean you can always hear it. You need to plan accordingly when you drive in Los Angeles, because the traffic there is unforgiving.

7. Dr. Phil

I'm not sure why I still watch Dr. Phil, but I do. I've lost touch with reality, so I watch it to kind of put my brain back together again. The show is usually very entertaining, but it's the interviews with the "victims" that are the most cringe-worthy. It is really sad how much some of these people have been emotionally and mentally abused by their family and friends. I am so glad I wasn't born back then. I wouldn't have lasted very long. Some of them are just so sad. There's a woman that Dr. Phil interviewed, and it had to be painful for her to have her story heard. I think she was around 14 when she got pregnant. Her father didn't like the idea of her having sex, so he took her to a whorehouse and paid for her to have an abortion. Her boyfriend made it look like she was cheating on him, and her father and brother held her down while the doctor performed the procedure. I can't imagine what she has been through, and I can't imagine what her life will be like as she gets older.

8. Californians Always Want to Talk About LA

I've never been to Los Angeles, but all the people that live in the city always act like it's the most awesome place ever. For some reason, they can never stop talking about how great it is.