Cashmere King Future Uncertain
End of an Era?
Brian Spine
Embedded Files
In what seems to be yet another casualty of the COVID-19 pandemic, a local favorite of Sacramento homeowners is in jeopardy.
"I just never expected it to come so soon."
Carl Brockmeyer, known to Sacramentans as the "Cashmere King" for the past 14 years, may be shutting his doors for good.
"I just never expected it to come so soon." Brockmeyer admits. "I had a plan and everything, but then people started getting sick. I don't do business with sick people, that's bad for business. I really don't like it when someone comes up to me with blood shot eyes asking for a more comfortable home. That's not my bag."
Brockmeyer is only one of many local business owners who have taken a hit since the pandemic began. However, Brockmeyer has been attempting an unusual business strategy.
"I don't do business with any gangstalkers."
Carl informed our SSR correspondent that since the pandemic began, he has noted a rise in a certain type of customer.
"I really don't like them. They come in here, they act like they're going to buy, but I'm on to them. All they're really here for is keeping tabs on me, those [expletive deleted] lizard [expletive deleted]. I don't do business with any [expletive deleted] gangstalkers [sic]. Not now, not ever. They started coming to watch on me after I got back from the hospital. It's making business hard, because I know my real customers are being driven away by them."
These difficult times are beginning to degrade the very fabric of society, leaving the bereft without outlet. It is unsound fancy to ask that these individuals seek refuge in the arms of the state, as they often believe their benefactors are in fact their detractors. Truly, there is not a place for the ill to reside.
"I grew up hating my mom."
We spoke to the owner of the building Cashmere King is housed to see if Brockmeyer was getting any sort of rent relief. Janet Hill, his landlord, had this to say in an email response:
Carl Brockmeyer is the single most vile person I have ever rented to. Not only does he fail to pay his rent on time, he also leaves wet rugs hanging between the walls. They begin to mold and rot, attracting all sorts of rodents and insects which run into my other tenants. Not to mention the smell. He imports these rugs from Afghanistan or wherever and says they're pure cashmere. Well they smell like an actual barn when they're wet. Like actual sheep [expletive deleted]. If Carl Brockmeyer gets sick and dies, I will throw a party. So yeah, that's what I have to say about the downfall of the Cashmere King; it can't come soon enough.
It's no secret that with greatness comes controversy, no matter the level. It is the opinion of the undersigned that the scathing remarks against him only write Brockmeyer as the visionary he really is, as a distinguished stand-out from the likes of Mansour's or big-box rug stores.
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